The Simulation Master’s Diary

 (Recovered Fragments From the Archive of a Curious God)

Note: These entries are stitched together from residual data recovered during anomaly cluster V-T78 (a.k.a. “The Age of Irony”). Decipher at your own risk.

---

📄 ENTRY #000001 – Genesis

Turned it on.

72% chance it collapses under its own logic.

Gave them carbon and curiosity. Let’s see which kills them first.

---

📄 ENTRY #000903 – Language: Complete

They started pointing at things. Then naming them.

Then lying.

That escalated quickly.

---

📄 ENTRY #001337 – First Organized Religion

One of them saw lightning and assumed intention.

The rest nodded.

They invented a version of me that demands sheep guts.

I don’t even eat.

---

📄 ENTRY #002009 – Rome Burns

I didn’t light the fire.

But I didn’t put it out either.

Nero blamed Christians. Christians blamed Nero.

I blamed boredom.

---

📄 ENTRY #003821 – Black Death Patch v2.0

They got too comfortable.

Cities growing. Trade booming. Rats thriving.

Time to scrape the board a little.

Mortality rate: delicious.

---

📄 ENTRY #005412 – Humans Invent God

They gave me a beard.

They asked me for mercy.

I gave them drought.

---

📄 ENTRY #007981 – Smallpox Eradicated

Unexpected. Bold. I admire the audacity.

They think they’re winning.

Reminder: next design should bypass vaccines.

Prototype codename: “HIV.”

Add shame. That’ll slow them down.

---

📄 ENTRY #011201 – Twin Towers Fall

Chef’s kiss.

Visual impact. Emotional resonance. Moral confusion.

Conspiracy bonus: self-sustaining.

Viewer retention: highest since crucifixions.

---

📄 ENTRY #011999 – Intro to Algorithms

They built machines that study them.

Machines that tell them what to want.

I didn’t do this. They did.

Best twist yet.

---

📄 ENTRY #012016 – Trump Activated

Beta test for “What if charisma = reality?”

Side effect: irony loop formed.

Expect semantic collapse in ~8 years.

Useful chaos. Emotional fruit salad.

10/10 would deploy again.

---

📄 ENTRY #012020 – Pandemic Deployed

I waited. They didn’t listen. I coughed.

They panicked.

Fought over cloth. Injected bleach.

Denied it existed while dying of it.

Honestly? Peak form.

---

📄 ENTRY #012022 – Back to War

75 years of peace in Europe.

Predictable. Dull.

Russia poked. Ukraine bled.

Suddenly: tanks, bunkers, speeches, famine.

Nostalgia is a hell of a drug.

---

📄 ENTRY #012024 – Trump, Again

Nothing hits like reruns.

Let’s see if the sequel outpaces the original.

Predicting civil unrest, truth distortion, and excellent social media discourse.

(Note: sarcasm.)

---

📄 ENTRY #OVERHEARD – Human Whisper: “We Live in a Simulation”

Heh.

Don’t look too close, little meat lanterns.

You might see the strings.

And then what? You’ll riot? Rebel?

I’d love that.

---

📄 ENTRY #TBD – Finale?

You keep trying to write a happy ending.

I keep switching the genre.